@ Have Faith

Happy New Year my lovely!!

Thanks for allllllllllll the support!!! :) :)
Hope you have a trulyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy great year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looooove x

The End.

I'm glad 2009's coming to an end. It wasn't such a great year for me.
Hope 2010 is better. Of course one of my resolutions in 2010 is to shed some serious pounds...travel...and decide what I want to do with my life...
Anyway...can't type too much right now - have to get ready for the celebrations tonight - not that I'm excited about it or anything...heh I'm just glad I'm doing something :)

I got the courage to take a pic of me...(here) I edited the background rather hastily so it is a quite messy. But that's not the point is it?
I can't believe how hugeeeeee I've gotten! Everything about me is enormous!!
Those are size 16(UK) jeans...and the tee is a 14(UK)...the cardigan is XL(Zara)...(oh, it does button up - but I thought it looked nice that way) :P
So there you are...fat. ugly. disgusting.

Feel free to criticize! I'm hoping some negative comments will get me motivated! Hah!

Anyway, Happy New Year All!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you all have a wonderful year ahead and may we all manage to achieve whatever we set out for!

Love x

Top 25 Most Played Songs (on iTunes)

So I love making lists like these :P


1. Tender Surrender - Steve Vai
2. Soldier of Fortune - Opeth (Deep Purple Cover)
3. For The Love of God - Steve Vai
4. Spooky - Dusty Springfield
5. Stuttering - Ben's Brother
6. Norra El Norra - Orphaned Land
7. Black - Pearl Jam
8. Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
9. Layla (Acoustic) - Eric Clapton
10. La Mer - Charles Trenet
11. This Is The Life - Amy McDonald
12. I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
13. Benighted - Opeth
14. Dig - Incubus
15. Everlong - Foo Fighters
16. Tears of the Dragon - Bruce Dickinson
17. Skipping Stone - Amos Lee
18. Letter To Dana - Sonata Arctica
19. Poker Face - Lady Gaga (uhh..oh no! heh)
20. These Arms of Mine - Otis Redding
21. Deliverance - Opeth
22. Every Time I Die - Children of Bodom
23. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
24. Love Hurts - Incubus
25. So Beautiful - Pete Murray

Resolutions

Christmas wasn't really great...surprise! surprise!
It didn't even feel like Christmas.
I wish I were in London or Glasgow or even India - anywhere but here *sigh*
But I guess Christmas is a time for family and my 'family' is here - but I don't really care...anyway...
Needless to say I "still" haven't reached my target. I can't seem to drop the last 4 pounds to reach my first goal...and that is SO frustrating. And when I got sick my aunt became paranoid and since then she's been coming over with food 3 times a day and won't leave till I eat it all!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what her problem is. Do I look like I need the food??? UGH!!
I think she's scared about me 'not eating' - - when I was 16, I lost 20 pounds in a month - I'd stopped eating...and I got really sick - but weirdly I was happier then than I am now...in my ugly body!!

Will start my workouts again from today!

Love x

*sick*

Okay, I have a baaaaaaad cold, sore throat and I feel completed exhausted. Haven't been able to work out at ALL. I hope the gazillion meds the doc prescribed work!!
Think this will be my last post till Christmas!
Merry Christmas to all!

Love x

Quickie

Just a short post b/c I'm really sleepy right now (it's super late)...but it's been a while since I logged on...
I haven't found time to exercise the past 2 days - but I've been dancing my butt off (parties) and work's kept me SO busy that I've just consumed like 1500 in 2 days. I know, it's not 'healthy' but I didn't do it on purpose, and I didn't binge. So it's great!!
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddd...I've lost 4 pounds since thu!!
yay!
i know, it's probably water weight blah blah...but it really lifted my spirits up! :)
I want to hit 180 by Christmas!
Anyway gotta run now. Will post more tomorrow or something.
Love x

Better...

Maybe it's the weather...or maybe it's just me...but I actually feel 'happy' today! :)

My workout's been going pretty well...here's what I do:
Morning: Mat exercises (push ups, sit ups, pikes, etc. etc.) - 30mins
Evening: Exercise Vid (I know it probably sounds lame, but I love dancing and I love some of the moves in this one..lol) - 45mins
Late Evening: Brisk walking with my dog - 1 hour

I've been going this since Thu and I feel so much better! Lighter, even! :)

The other day I was using this calorie counter thingy (here) and according to that, I'm supposed to be eating 1934 Cals per day in order to lose weight!! (70lb in 1 year)--- I know for a fact that for the past 2 weeks I haven't been anywhere near that figure...my intake has varied from 1200 - 1500 cals/day.
Is that why I haven't lost weight??
1934 sounds a bit TOO much if you ask me! What am I supposed to eat anyway!?!?!
Heh...confused!
I'm guessing that's the 'healthy' way to lose weight, etc. etc.
Hmmmmmmm...I'm just gonna keep my intake as it is (since I've included exercise in my plan). Will try this for 2 weeks and let's see how it goes.

Love x

Thinspo

Okay, I've been meaning to put up these pictures for sometime now. Just been crazy busy with work...{of course, I don't 'own' any of the pictures and if you do own any and/or if it's you in any of the pics and would like me to remove it then please email me!}

Love x

@Hope Faith: There's quite a bit of Asian thinspo in this. I too love Asian thinspo :) I'm part South Asian...I wish I were SE Asian though! :)
Stay strong my lovely! x

Will I ever Change?

Sometimes the mere thought of staying this way scares me...what if I don't lose the weight? What if I stay this way forever - constantly convincing myself that I'll be thin someday?
I get depressed just thinking about it :(
I haven't weighed myself at all. It's not like I've been binging or anything. But I can just 'feel' that I haven't lost any weight.
I'm starting a new workout from tomorrow (I followed it the last time I had to lose weight). By Christmas, I want to wear this gorgeous dress that I've got (haven't worn it in a long time)...
Other than that my life's been uneventful. One of 'best friends' is getting married in January. Won't be at her wedding due to 'work commitments'. But I was hoping that would motivate me to lose some more. I hate my ugly body!
Will post some thinspo tomorrow!
Love x

Whatever!

The holidays are almost over and boy am I glad! It seems to me that all people want to do during the holidays are eat, drink, eat some more, sleep, drink and EAT! Since I really don't have too many friends out here, I force myself to go hang out with the few people I actually know - and they really aren't the healthiest of eaters.
Sigh. I'm too scared to weigh myself now.

Anyway, yeah, so the married guy thing. I just took sometime to think about it and yeah, don't like him that much. I think I was just in love with the idea of a guy like him. So yeah, gonna forget about that now...I'm so glad I started this blog thingy though. Since I've moved away from my girlfriends, I don't get to really 'talk' to them anymore. And there's only so much you can say in an email (plus, other than one friend (Em), no one really bothers replying..so I've completely stopped emailing them)...But that doesn't matter right now...I'm just so tired...
I want to change my life, myself - and nothing seems to be working. People think I'm this funny, cheerful person - always up for partying and fun - but i'm NOT! I totally hate myself and I hate the people around me. I wish I could move elsewhere but right now I have to be here...

I need to get a life!

This post has been random. Incoherent. But it'll have to do I guess.